Hard to Explain
Sometimes, life's temporary setbacks are hard to explain. Oftentimes, any possibility to come up with a logical explanation is mind-numbing. And I find the frustration that comes from trying to make sense of why things play out differently than I had expected. I blame myself for many fo these "setbacks," which the more I think about - with a steely-eyed determination to fix what went wrong underlying my frustration - the angrier I get.
It's like my computer. I sat down to write about an hour ago and it's now 12:52 a.m. I was trying to fix a problem with my computer. I try, really I do but I am not technologically inclined/blessed. I'm the type of person that will pay to have his computer fixed rather than trying to save money by investigating and figuring out the problem on my own.
I was the kid who built models from the outside in; I lacked the patience to break apart the tiny, intricate plastic pieces, dot them with a needle head dab of glue and fasten them together. Inevitably, the glue found its way onto my fingertips and I would leave a rice paper thin layer of my skin on the each piece.
I was more into the aesthetics, the finished product. I would put on the decals first and hope that I could cram the "guts" of the model in at a later time. Whenever I finished a model, I had several leftover pieces.
Today, my desire to be able to fix things (such as computer problems) on my own hasn't subsided but that six-year-old kid in me doesn't have the patience to allow the adult in me to dig a little deeper or explore a little more to try to solve the problem on my own without throwing my hands up in frustration. Maybe it's just the way I'm wired. Maybe I'll live long enough to be able to accept what I can do and what I can't without feeling guilty about it.
It's like my computer. I sat down to write about an hour ago and it's now 12:52 a.m. I was trying to fix a problem with my computer. I try, really I do but I am not technologically inclined/blessed. I'm the type of person that will pay to have his computer fixed rather than trying to save money by investigating and figuring out the problem on my own.
I was the kid who built models from the outside in; I lacked the patience to break apart the tiny, intricate plastic pieces, dot them with a needle head dab of glue and fasten them together. Inevitably, the glue found its way onto my fingertips and I would leave a rice paper thin layer of my skin on the each piece.
I was more into the aesthetics, the finished product. I would put on the decals first and hope that I could cram the "guts" of the model in at a later time. Whenever I finished a model, I had several leftover pieces.
Today, my desire to be able to fix things (such as computer problems) on my own hasn't subsided but that six-year-old kid in me doesn't have the patience to allow the adult in me to dig a little deeper or explore a little more to try to solve the problem on my own without throwing my hands up in frustration. Maybe it's just the way I'm wired. Maybe I'll live long enough to be able to accept what I can do and what I can't without feeling guilty about it.
posted by strunken wagnall @ 12:35 AM
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