Steal My Sunshine
In keeping with the weather theme that began yesterday, I thought I would offer my version of "steal my sunshine." It goes like this.
Spring in my part of the province is usually sandwiched between late March and early April. If you have the misfortune of living in another part of the country, you may have no idea what I mean. For example this year, I was basking in summertime conditions in mid-April (30 degree temperatures) while trying to finish my school assignments and somehow study for my finals.
Yet in the middle of one of the hottest springs I experienced in years - maybe the hottest - I felt depressed--not the "my-life-is-going-nowhere-I'm-all-alone-I-have-no-motivation" kind of depressed but a fearof the intense sunlight. (I am not an albino nor a vampire). My fear probably seems odd because most people love the sunshine and an early spring. I think my apprehensive feelings to bright and sunny days stems from a dark period in my life about eight years ago.
Everything I had put my security in was taken away from me. i was trying desperately to cling to an emotionally wrenching relationship with the mother of my two-year old daughter; I had no money; I could not find work and was taking odd jobs to pay bills; my dad had a heart attack earlier in the year. My self-esteem was taking a beating. Some friends could not relate to what I was going through while others just drifted away. Not their fault; it just happened. I know others have had it worse than I but to me, it was real and harsh and lasting.
But it was to that point, the darkest and most challenging time in my life. It occurred during March and April.
I guess the emotions I felt in the spring of 1997 were strong enough to create an association with that time of year and every spring I have to work my way through a valley of depressed feelings during a time when most are outside enjoying the warmth.
This year was no different; but seven years later I have learned that I must take that rough ride through the first two to four weeks of spring. I manage to break through and soon find myself relishing in the comfort of a long, summer day and warm summer evening.
I have to let the aftershocks of my own storm pass before I can see the rainbow.
Spring in my part of the province is usually sandwiched between late March and early April. If you have the misfortune of living in another part of the country, you may have no idea what I mean. For example this year, I was basking in summertime conditions in mid-April (30 degree temperatures) while trying to finish my school assignments and somehow study for my finals.
Yet in the middle of one of the hottest springs I experienced in years - maybe the hottest - I felt depressed--not the "my-life-is-going-nowhere-I'm-all-alone-I-have-no-motivation" kind of depressed but a fearof the intense sunlight. (I am not an albino nor a vampire). My fear probably seems odd because most people love the sunshine and an early spring. I think my apprehensive feelings to bright and sunny days stems from a dark period in my life about eight years ago.
Everything I had put my security in was taken away from me. i was trying desperately to cling to an emotionally wrenching relationship with the mother of my two-year old daughter; I had no money; I could not find work and was taking odd jobs to pay bills; my dad had a heart attack earlier in the year. My self-esteem was taking a beating. Some friends could not relate to what I was going through while others just drifted away. Not their fault; it just happened. I know others have had it worse than I but to me, it was real and harsh and lasting.
But it was to that point, the darkest and most challenging time in my life. It occurred during March and April.
I guess the emotions I felt in the spring of 1997 were strong enough to create an association with that time of year and every spring I have to work my way through a valley of depressed feelings during a time when most are outside enjoying the warmth.
This year was no different; but seven years later I have learned that I must take that rough ride through the first two to four weeks of spring. I manage to break through and soon find myself relishing in the comfort of a long, summer day and warm summer evening.
I have to let the aftershocks of my own storm pass before I can see the rainbow.
posted by strunken wagnall @ 10:07 PM
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